Archive for October, 2006

 

I am writing this in hopes of people understanding the everlasting trauma involved with abuse, and how much effort and work is involved in overcoming.

 

I can’t speak for all survivors of abuse, because there are different levels of abuse and different reactions to that abuse. For that reason, I’m not going to go into a lot of detail about specific types of abuse, but spend more time talking about the healing from abuse. I think all victims of abuse can appreciate the chaos of the process.

When you are abused, it can alter the sense of who you are. If you’re told day after day that you will amount to nothing, you are worth nothing, and you should have never been born, you begin to try and make yourself invisible. You hide within yourself, you might even put on weight to assure that no one takes a second look. A problem with some of the kids though, is that if they notice someone is weird, quiet and has low self esteem, they put a big ol’ target on you. Without giving it a second of thought, they can reinforce that mentality, making the child feel even worse. A lot of times, the abusers don’t pay much attention to what their child is doing, or what their child gets involved in. The child can get themselves involved in situations that get them into even more trouble. They can end up raped, tortured, drugged, even murdered. And of course, sometimes the parents are the ones who involve the child in some of those dangerous situations. Ok, so now there is this child who has been abused in ways that is unimaginable. This child grows up, is on their own and no longer a victim. What next?OOOh, What next? There are as many options as there are people. But what the options the person chooses can and will make a difference between life and death. (I don’t mean that, just in the physical sense. There can be life and death of the soul, the spirit, the mind and the body) But the process of over coming is long and everlasting, and the decisions you make will alter who you are for the rest of your life. How I have worked on my unspeakable past was, I started over. I found new “adopted” parents who re-taught me how to love. This took many, many, many years to learn. It took many years to believe that I was worth loving. Years of self inflicted abuse, years of self destructive behavior, years of believing I could be worth anything. But, luckily I found people who didn’t give up, and continued to keep loving and teaching until I got it. And it’s amazing, because I know I wasn’t easy to love. So, the first step, is find a few amazing people who will love and support you, no matter what. The next thing I did, was I found a passion. Something that makes me feel good about who I am. You don’t have to be good at it, but it absolutely has to make you feel good about yourself. I have done anti-bullying classes in the local public schools. In the beginning, it was a very cathartic venture. It felt so good to teach those kids, to love those kids, and help them with their own self esteem. I also started writing. This is something I know I suck at, but it makes me feel good, so I continue. You also have to repeat to yourself, every single day, “I am a good person, I am worth loving, and deserve to be happy”. At first you won’t believe it. Once you start believing it, there will be days when you think to yourself, that that statement is a load of shit. But continue everyday, no matter what. And, there may come a day when you just can’t get yourself to believe. You feel isolated, you want to continue to feel isolated. You just want people to leave you the hell alone. That’s when it may be time to get some professional help. Especially if you have any desire to harm yourself or someone else. It is ok to reach out for help, you do deserve it. Once you begin to feel some self esteem and begin to see some light at the end of the rainbow, it’s time to start making a life plan. This can mean different things to different people, and take different amounts of time to get here. For me, I’m in this stage. I am 36 years old, and I’ve finally made it here. But, since one of my self destructive behaviors was to drop out of college, here I am. A single mom, with a full time job. When is there time to get back and get my degree? But even though I haven’t figured out this step yet, I finally realize that I am ok, I deserve to be loved and I deserve to be happy. And I will be happy, no matter where my life path leads me.

 (I have kept my descriptions short, because I don’t know how interested people are in this subject. If you’re interested in more discussion on types of abuse, the effects of, and how to over come, post some comments…the abuse I experienced was extreme, but I’m open to any type of discussions)

for part 2, click here

 

<a href=”http://technorati.com/tag/child+abuse” rel=”tag”>child abuse</a>

 

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1. Republican’s usually wear hats.

     Democrats usually don’t.

 

2.  Democrats buy banned books.

      Republicans form censorship committees and read them.

 

3.  Democrats eat the fish they catch.

      Republicans hang them on the wall.

 

4.  Republicans study the finacial pages of the newspaper.

      Democrats put them on the bottom of the bird cage.

 

5.  On Saturday Republicans head for the golf course, the yacht club or the hunting lodge.

      Democrats get a haircut, wash the car, or go bowling.

 

6.  Republicans have guest rooms.

      Democrats have spare rooms filled with old baby furniture.

 

7.   Republicans hire exterminators.

       Democrats step on the bugs.

 

8.  Republicans sleep in twin beds….some even  in separate rooms.

      That is why there are more Democrats.

 

source: Adapted from the National Republican Congressional Committee newsletter.

 

 

There was an article in my local paper today by Leonard Pitts Jr. of the Miami Herald.  The title was “GOP owns the political language”.  He says that the republican party “…has really mastered the language of obfuscation and misdirection, a willingness to unmoor words from their meanings-…”  He goes on to say, “Consider the party’s masterpiece.  Of all the terms it has arrogated unto itself (values,  tradition, patriotism) and all those it has used to jab the competition (secular, culture wars, moral relativism), its best work is embodied in one word: liberal”.    He says that we’re all pretty liberal, or at least were.  But the word liberal has “been transmuted from a perfectly viable political ideology into a sort of  birth defect”.

So, he asks “Where are the Democrats’ words? Their narrative? It’s a urgent question waiting for an urgent answer”.  I begin, as a democrat, with this.  It is my opinion that the republican party has turned the word “Patriotism” into a political farce.  I respond with, if one is only considered patriotic if they are war lovin’, gun luggin’, death penalty, no child left behind, not all men are created equal, torture whomever we see fit, racial profiling, we are right, you are wrong. mentality, then I don’t want to be patriotic.  The rest of us know this war on terror is only a war of terror, wanting gun control, less likely to give death, think the no child left behind act only teaches kids how to take test, all men ARE creatred equal, torture no one, and we all have our own opinions mentality.  For the rest of us, instead of being patriotic, I give you this.  We are nationalistic, “A  devotion to the interests or culture of a particular nation…” who are superpatriotic.  Democrats: We are Democracy, we are  united, we are superpatriotic.  We love our morals, we love are values, we love our nation, and we are the future for the interests and culture of this great Nation!  We are democrats, and we are strong, we are united, and we are the people.

Peace and out!!!! 

TWO-FACED

Posted: October 19, 2006 in All, Blogroll, Controversy, Life, politics, rants

Either I’m insane or misinformed or just don’t get it.  But can someone tell me what sense it makes to say that it should be illegal for a same sex couple to marry because it destroys the sanctity of marriage, when on the other hand, a child predator has the right to marry the adult child she molested?  I just don’t get it.  Either way, both marriages have absolutely nothing to do with anyone else’s marriage.  I was once married, and the jerk of a husband down the street who was beating the hell out of his wife, while bringing prostitutes into the bedroom had nothing to do with my marriage. The point is, there is a huge piece of this puzzle missing.  People are scared because they are misinformed, bigoted and close minded.  Where is the logic.  It’s along the lines, to me anyway, the leaders of the United States have the “right” to tell others they can’t have weapons of mass  destruction or nuclear bombs.  Well, don’t we have those things?  And wouldn’t we use them if there were probable cause?  Where do we get off having the parental, “do as I say not as I do” mentality? Some of  the same people who are saying no to others are not perfect themselves, and are certainly not respecting their own marriages.  

Everything is not black and white, there are shades of grey

America

Racism!

Terrorism!

Antagonism!

How’bout a little more commercialism…Please?

apple pie

Homicide!

Suicide!

Shanghaied!

Unjustified or utterly glorified?

baseball

Ostentation!

Inflation!

Segragation!

Feelings of trepidation…yet?

freedom of speech

For the love of money,

God Bless America

in all her flagrant humanity!

Some people love her, some hate her.  But despite how you feel, it is an undeniable fact that she over came great odds to reach her dreams. Not many are able to do that, myself included. She is real, she is funny, always reinventing herself and although slightly annoying at times, I enjoy her because she is creative, open-minded and has a geniune compassion for people of all walks of life.  Like her or not, she is going to make it after all.
After All
A play, I saw
To act, I yearned
but there was no part
for a Rhoda Morgenstern
look alike.
Sad, I felt
Crying was near
but there was not one tear
To tell you otherwise would not be a lie.
Millions of books, I read many
I dreamed to write
I had a story
I knew I could write.
A song, I heard
Oh to sing and dance
if I weren’t such a nerd.
But then, I knew
Just what to do…
To cry has its place
but to make people laugh
now that, I could ace
Then no one would pry
at this ache in my heart.
No matter what I do
I must get in the act
and make a part for myself.
How ’bout Star Search?
I think I could do it
if I could just keep down my lunch.
The Rosie O’Donnell Show
that’s what I’ll do.
Barry Manilow
and Bette Midler too.
Barbra Streisand
and my very own band
I can dance and I can sing
Better than Bing
if you ask me.
There’s no time to stall
Still so many things left unseen
Why, I could even have my own magazine.
And even though it didn’t take
I can try, try, try again
if I want to.
I could even be on the view!
You never know, what the future might hold. 
Mary Richards has got nothing on me,
cause I’m gonna make it after all.
gmg 06

A lot of people are uneasy around people with special needs.  I don’t know why, they are just people who are different.  Some can’t speak with words, or move their bodies, but they always make the best out of whatever they have.  I work with special needs children, and would choose to work with them instead of “normal” children on any day.  They may not communicate in the normal sense, but if you pay attention, you sure can learn a lot.  So, I’m going to write the most important lessons I’ve learned from people with special needs.

-First and foremost: when you fall down,  get back up.

-Never give up.

-The smallest of accomplishments are a big deal. 

-On somedays, getting out of bed and ready to go can be the biggest accomplishment all day, but it is no less valuable than any other accomplishments.  After all, if you don’t get out of bed and try, then you will accomplish nothing.

-When happy, laugh as loud as possible.  Let everyone  know you’re happy and make sure you spread it around.

-When you are unsuccessful at trying something new, keep trying until you get it right.

– Don’t look at how beautiful or ugly, fat or skinny, odd or obnoxious a person is, when looking at people to determine if they’re any good, look into their soul and spirit.

-When you’ve got something important to say, and no one is listening, you keep trying different ways of communicating until someone hears you.

-Find something enjoyable in everything you do.

-When  you feel like you can’t go anymore, do it anyway.

-From the chronically ill special needs kids, I’ve learned that everyday is special and should be lived to the fullest of your ability.