a moment…

Posted: April 12, 2007 in All, Blogroll, Health, Life, Religion, Thoughts

What do you do when most of your life  you’ve wanted to die because you’ve felt so miserable? Then suddenly, you’re faced with the possibility of it coming true?

I’ve mentioned a few times in other post that I’ve been having health problems.  My coping mechinism when  overwhelmed is to avoid whatever the problem might be.  I’ve been avoiding going to the doctor because I’ve known that something is wrong.  You know how sometimes you just feel it.  Well, today I finally went to the doctor.  And they found something abnormal.  Now I’m faced with more  test.  It could be I just need a hysterectomy, or a kidney removed and then I’ll be fine.  Or just a cyst or two.  Or, oh God….the big “C”.   But my test is not until Monday afternoon, so I’m left with nothing but my mind to wonder.  Is it a blessing of what I wanted in the past?  Is there still a part of me that just wants to be out of my misery?  Or, do I really just want to live, but be happy and healthy?  You don’t know me, but if you’re reading this, if you can find a way to say a quick, quiet prayer for me…if for nothing else, to live happily and with good health.  Any encouraging words?  Thank you.

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Comments
  1. gracemark says:

    When I was 22 a tumor was discovered in the pineal region of my brain. I was terrified. Suddenly I was blessed with perspective regarding what is and isn’t important in life. I did pray for your health, but, also that you can be blessed by this experience.

    “To be alive is to be broken; to be broken is to stand in need of grace.” -Brennan Manning

  2. anitamorrell says:

    Am feeling your fear but hearing your courage. No matter what happens you are not alone. Will be checking so keep us posted. anitamorrell.wordpress.com

  3. katm says:

    You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know how everything turns out.

    ~Kathryn

  4. Manymeez says:

    thank you for the comments and words of encouragement. I’ll let you know on monday what happens. I’m trying to keep my thoughts in the positive.

  5. SurfaceEarth says:

    Oh Coffeegrounds,hence, the silence.

    I believe faith and our “minds” can heal all, but as spiritual beings here for an earthly existence, we can’t always figure that out.

    I have amassed so many resources and information for out of the box miracles. Just yell or whimper, we are here listening.

    Namaste.

  6. Bobby says:

    They say your biggest fears; are the ones that never come to pass. If this is not the case, well we can all throw that idea out the window!
    BUT……
    A positive mind; mixed with the correct information, and the ability to find the right course of action in any situation will be your greatest accomplishment. I think you already know how to do that; you are a MOM afterall.

    You; yourself are a positive person surrounded by love! This is a powerful strength that can do many good things; not just for the people around you, but you as well.

    Life tests many of us, and opens our eyes to a more vivid and bigger world than the one you just see on TV. Though we may stumble in many instances; it is worth the effort to get back on our feet again to claim another day as our own!

    I will think of you!
    Take Care, and Be Safe!

  7. SurfaceEarth says:

    So nicely said above. How hard to be positive at times, no? It’s just that the alterntive, negativity, is hardly ever worth it. Blessings.

  8. Manymeez says:

    Thank you Bobby and SurfaceEarth! (I was going to use your real name, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted that out there) Your words are very encouraging and inspirational…and very much appreciated. You have very kind and gentle souls, and very comforting. I am trying to stay positive. I had my first melt down last night, but I am better today. Hence the title, I’m taking it a moment at a time.

  9. Manymeez says:

    I had my test today, but the technician’s wouldn’t tell me anything. So…more waiting. I just feel a little discomfort from the test, but the stress of the “what if” is overwhelming at times. I’m simply exhausted. Hopefully I’ll know something tomorrow. Thank you!

  10. SurfaceEarth says:

    Peace to you. We are rooting for you. This whole trip is a big what if, isn’t it? we don’t know why we are here or where we go, but we all forget in the moments, and tell you what, the personal what ifs are beyond stressful. Prayers going your way!

  11. Bobby says:

    So glad you got the test out of the way! Get some rest; well deserved! Thinking of you! sent your way!

  12. Manymeez says:

    Thanks surfaceearth! your words are encouraging and comforting. And you’re absolutely right, this journey we call life is a remarkable and mysterious one.
    Thanks Bobby! but no rest for the weary. the doctor still hasn’t called me back, and I’m getting really pissed. I am suffering with pain…I don’t understand why this is not important to her. None the less, I appreciate your support. Hopefully I’ll have more answer’s tomorrow.

  13. lawcrow says:

    “the doctor still hasn’t called me back”

    Oh; they get paid the big bucks to be pestered. ha ha ha.

  14. Manymeez says:

    oh, believe me…I “pestered” today. I was kind and gentle, but laid it on the line… the doctor called back within 20 mins. Now, if I can get them to call back with my appointment time. That could possibly take 4 more days. What is it with doctor’s anyway? over worked I guess.

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